A lot of our lives are spent chasing goals. We chase a dream that will launch us into the life we were meant to live. Almost as often, we fall short and wonder why we can’t reach that new level.
The truth is that a next-level goal requires a next-level you. While the “you” of today is equipped to overcome the challenges you currently face, you will need a new version of the magic you already are to reach higher and grab the bigger reward.
This isn’t a revolutionary idea. Even as children, each year of your schooling is partly designed to prepare you for the next. Without learning the skills and opening your mind to a wider way of thinking, you would not be able to understand the concepts and develop the skills of the year to follow.
Similarly, I invite you to take a minute and look to the future. Think about the life you envision for yourself – the life you dream of. Where are you? In your office on top of a skyscraper? With your family, sailing across the seas? What do you see around you? A team of people; perhaps you notice a heightened sense of luxury?
Look at yourself. Notice what you’re wearing, your hairstyle, your demeanor and how you interact with those around you. Do you see a familiar you or do you see the woman you want to become?
My guess is that almost every part of you is a little more “next-level.” Everything about you is slightly nicer or liberated. The people around you are captivated, and in this vision, you are where you most want to be.
The common belief is that when we achieve our goals, this person will emerge from the cocoon of our former selves. That if we work hard and keep going we will become this next-level woman. This, however, is not quite the case. In fact, the opposite is true: It is when we embrace our next-level self and live as if we are already there, that our dreams move closer to us.
I am not saying that you should go buy a Ferrari before you can afford it. It is not about portraying a false sense of achievement. It is about cultivating a feeling of success, determination and everything else that embodies your next-level self.
What would this next-level you no longer tolerate? Do an audit of your life. Look at the physical and emotional space and do your best to let go of the things, people, activities, obligations, and expectations that no longer serve you. Clear through it all, only keeping the things that will be joining you on this next-level journey.
When you look at your next-level self in your vision, notice how she feels, how she conducts herself. What are these traits and attitudes and how can you bring more of that into your world? You might notice a sense of confidence you don’t have right now. While it can be scary at first, I invite you to practice expressing this confidence in your everyday life. No need to jump in head first, start in the smallest, safest way and grow from there. ** So, you don’t need to buy a Ferrari, but if its available to you, go for a test drive and feel it.**
Setting reminders that help you stay in the mode of your next-level self can be very powerful. It’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day of it all and simply being reminded that you are a badass bitch just after lunch, can jumpstart your afternoon. So place a memento on your desk, create a vision board, set affirmation reminders and deck out computer and phone wallpapers with anything that gives you a boost and feels true to your next-level self.
Develop a practice of gaining knowledge and inspiration from women that your next-level self would see as mentors (or even as peers). Expand your reading list, follow groups and maybe subscribe to a podcast.
This is not an easy exercise. It will take determination to break through to your next level. You will need to do things differently, respond differently to situations and maybe even cut certain people and activities from your life. Become fearless and unapologetic in taking charge of your life.
Define your next-level self and develop practices to live as if. Allow yourself to practice being the best version of yourself and before you know it, you will fully step into the woman you know you can be.
Moving through life as your next-level self (with her attitude, perspective, and poise) will reframe your life. Everyday situations, will present new opportunities and previously mundane tasks are now outsourced or completely removed as you make space for the items that matter and move you forward.
You are living as if you have your dream life. Operating now as you must when you achieve your vision. It is by being consistent in this practice that you will become and achieve your next level.
Lean into your journey without the pressure of comparing yourself to others.
To end off the month of “Owning your space,” I’d like to talk about comparison. Comparison is a sneaky and very dangerous ego trick that makes us feel less than, confused about our path and generally not far enough along. Kind of difficult to “own your space” if you’re feeling this disconnected from it.
When we compare ourselves to others and their journey, we automatically disconnect from our own. We step out of our space and into theirs. While their space might be great for them, we don’t belong there, and immediately feel out of the loop. As if there’s an inside joke that we don’t get or a puzzle we can’t solve.
At this point, we attempt to fix this feeling by desperately trying to be more like the person we are comparing ourselves against. We throw out the work we’ve done and follow their strategy, buy clothes they would wear, maybe even adopt their mannerisms and sometimes make massive life decisions trying to compete in their world. The really sad part is that even with all of this effort, we don’t feel any better and we’re no closer to our goals and it’s because of one simple truth:
This is their space, their path, their journey, not yours and the longer you stay, the more you lose yourself.
We are not meant to compare and gauge our “success” against others because it’s not a competition. It actually cannot be a competition because there is no true metric for “success.” Think about it. How would we know who is winning when we all view success as a unique combination of wealth, material gains, relationships, experiences, love etc? Instead, we should take all that energy and invest in our own space and dedicate it to our own journeys.
But how do we do let go of constant comparison?
- Stop chasing the success party
Many of us subscribe to the idea that life is a race. That we need to be chasing professional and personal success. The truth is there is no race because there is no finish line. There is no success party that you get invited to when you “make it.” So, relax, take the pressure off. If you notice someone who is closer to a shared goal, remember that they don’t get points for being there first and you don’t lose anything for being second (or even tenth.)
If you do see someone reaching a shared goal before you, don’t feel jealous or upset. Rather, take a moment to see this as proof that your goal can be achieved. This is fantastic news. Be grateful for the sign, happy for their good fortune and excited about your journey. #letthatshitgo
- Stay focused on what you are doing
You know that moment when your friend with the amazing bone structure gets bangs and you start thinking, “Wow, she looks incredible. Maybe I should get bangs?” Almost instantly your current hairstyle looks boring, outdated and in serious need of some bangs. You also somehow forget about the last time you went down this road and how much bangs did not work for you. Hopefully, at this point, another friend stops you and reminds you that bangs are not for everyone and that your hair looks fabulous already.
Similarly, when you compare your life to that of someone else, you tend to notice the things you don’t have in yours. For example, your friend has a baby and you start thinking about names for your own imaginary children. Another goes on a trip overseas and you long for freedom. At times, these can be prompts that reveal a deeper desire, but mostly they distract you from your own goals and what you are working towards.
You get sucked into another person’s world and look back at yours to see empty spaces. Suddenly, you lose sight of all you’ve achieved, the goals you’re working towards and what you’re left with is a hollow feeling of lack.
The good news is that the cure is simple: shift your focus. Bring your attention inward, to your own path and the vision you hold for your life. Next time, you get triggered by a peer getting promoted, achieving a massive milestone you are both working towards or Sharon’s new pixie cut, try this to stay connected to your space:
Do you really want this thing? Will it serve you towards achieving your vision? You might easily be able to say, “Hell no! I’m good,” and move forward. Other times it won’t be so clear. You want it, but not right now or not quite like this. If that’s the case, I invite you to trust in your journey. Remember your goals, your vision and bring your focus inward. Should this thing be right for you, you will find a way to include it.
Owning your space fully and confidently means knowing your space. Knowing and trusting in your guidance and the choices you make towards your vision. Share in the joy and success of others, while keeping your focus on your own path. Let go of what everyone else is doing, let go of the pressure and the fear and trust your inner guidance to lead you towards your biggest dreams.
This month is all about owning your space. That means we need to talk about leaning into your desires, your calling and what you most want from life. Your dream might be to live as a digital nomad for a couple of years. To travel and have adventures. Great right? Well, the tricky thing is that your brain doesn’t see this as a simple win-win situation. It worries about you and can cause some very weird feelings and doubts around your dream.
You’ll find yourself worrying about whether your family will approve. You know they want you to settle and be stable and before you know it, you’ve talked yourself out of the travelling altogether.
Sound familiar? This might not be your exact situation, but I’m sure you recognize the pattern. We all have Fear or “ego” that blocks us from trying new things or moving forward with our business or hitting our next life milestone. We give into the anxiety, guilt and shame of what might go wrong, and we lose sight of what we were chasing in the first place. We choose to stay safe in our comfort zone because we convince ourselves that it is enough, that we’re satisfied and even happy.
Of course, this is rarely the result of staying put. It is when you leap forward, take a chance and actively pursue what you love that you find joy. In fact, you could say that a big difference between happy and unhappy people, is that the happy ones follow the love. They see the fear and go for it anyway. Despite all the worry, they choose to focus on the reward, the joy, the love.
But how on earth do they do that? Fear can be incredibly convincing, I know. It can make you believe the worst of others and even of your own abilities. For this reason, “the ego” has a petty bad rap. It is branded as the devil on your shoulder, a mean-spirited little guy that wants to hold you back from everything. I don’t buy it. There is a slightly more open concept that the only thing the ego knows is fear and it is simply trying to protect you from harm. It is like an over-protective grandma that would rather keep you in a bubble than risk something happening to you.
It doesn’t want you to risk falling in love because your heart might break again; or travel, because you’ll miss out on everything happening at home; or change careers, because it might not work out. It is even afraid of success. Yup, “success” is a big no-no for the ego. If you become successful, you would have to risk being seen, you might have more money than your friends, you might even meet people that operate on a level above you, you could become a mean person, lose your marriage, never see your kids… You get the idea…
We all have our own special cocktail of fears around success and while they make you feel guilty or ashamed or scared, it is not the ego’s intention to hurt you. It just the only way it knows how to keep you safe.
Accepting this truth was personal turning point for me. I faced my fearful ego and recognized it as the most vulnerable part of myself. In that moment I could stop fighting, stop resisting and attempt to quiet that inner voice. (All the resisting was only making it louder.) Instead I could see it with love, honour the fear and then simply let it go.
Let me break that down for you.
When I notice that familiar feeling start to creep up, I ask myself, “Hey, what’s that about? What are you trying to show me?” Sometimes, simply asking this question in my head is enough to get an instant answer, other times I meditate and free write to reveal the deeper truth behind the fear.
Either way, once I see the deeper truth (the reason for the fear feeling), I can also see it’s innocent and unknowing intention. Almost instantly, that fear feeling becomes small and manageable. I can look it straight in the eye and say, “Appreciate the heads up, but I got this.”
Asking, “What are you trying to show me?” allows you to gain perspective, accept the protective intention behind the fear and soothe it, rather than fight it. You do not stop seeing the danger, but the reward/ goal stays in focus. You can feel grateful for, and accept, the warning. You know what you’re capable of and that you will be able to endure if the worst happens.
As you practice this, you will detect your fearful voice in its early stages, allowing you to move on faster and take bigger and bigger leaps towards your goals. This is how you lean into love, how to follow the joy.
So, accept your fear as your overly-cautious grandma and you’ll learn to look it straight in the eye, see the danger and go for it anyway. Not because you’re going against it (yourself), but because you know you’re strong enough to make it.
The other day I watched a webinar hosted by one of my heroines. I adore everything she does, from her books to her emails, to her courses. (I am such a fan.) I signed up the second I saw the ad for her free Master Class and stayed up to attend the live event late that night.
I knew this call would include an offer at the end, but I was fine with that, as I had actually purchased her entry-level manifesting course a little more than a year ago and loved it. In fact, I have planned to revisit the course later this month.
As expected, she didn’t disappoint. I immediately felt the same admiration, joy, and eagerness to grow. The content was life-affirming. In fact, her three solutions for a “breakthrough year,” were almost identical to my top three goals (not kidding!)
Hers: Back to basics
Mine: Keep it simple and focused
Hers: Know thy self
Mine: Grow within my spiritual practice and get closer to my truth
Hers: Find your tribe
Mine: Grow my tribe of spiritually curious, “personal development junkie,” entrepreneurial ladies.
Weird right? I was definitely feeling inspired. As she continued her class, all the concepts and proposed outcomes aligned beautifully to the course-on-offer, and since I was in the same mental space, I instinctively felt this would be an incredible opportunity for me. A chance to be a part of a great community, peel back a few more of my layers and learn some new tools.
Then she mentioned a payment plan and I became really excited, as I knew I could make it work financially. It was hitting all of the boxes, but then… (Yes, there’s a “but.”) I noticed a couple of sneaky fear feelings perk up. “Will you have the time?” being the primary culprit.
At first, I fought this feeling: “Just go for it,” I told myself, “Make the leap and you’ll find a way to make it work!” I probably could find time somewhere, give up something else and dedicate the next few weeks to this course.
But when I thought a little further, mentally searching for a small crack of time I could exploit, I realized how much I have going on: I currently have a job, freelance here and there, and run Bloom. My professional life is pretty full, very focused and it bleeds into most of my time.
As she started fielding some Q&A’s, I reflected back on an earlier portion of the webinar where she spoke about the mistakes that she, and many women in her community, had made the previous year. Some of these included, “taking on too many projects,” “becoming distracted,” “over-extending yourself” and “losing focus.” This wasn’t unfamiliar to me. I tend to suffer quite severely from “Shiny Object Syndrome 😜,” and while I love to plan and make lists, I sometimes struggle to execute and follow through.
That’s when I had my “aha moment”: My concern was not because of a money block or Fear peaking its ugly head. This was my inner guide saying, “Hey lady, you’re on a pretty focused path here, do you really need this extra work?” This nurturing source of knowledge was trying to show me that I had a good thing going and that the resources to achieve my goals were already in place. Check it out:
Goal 1: Keep it simple and focused:
I simplified my business model and planned my year out in advance. I am busy executing my to-do list and taking action – so, it’s working. Plus, revisiting my Manifesting course would help me declutter further and stay focused.
Goal 2: Grow within my spiritual practice and get closer to my truth:
While I had been a little less disciplined with my practice these last few weeks, I am getting back into it. My first meditation of 2018 felt like reconnecting with an old friend. I’m also returning to my beloved yoga practice after the holiday season. All this strengthens my resolve, lifts my energy and allows me to push further.
Goal 3: Grow my tribe of spiritually curious, personal development junkie, entrepreneurial ladies:
Working online, it can’t be much of a surprise that I am a member of 3 or more incredible Facebook groups filled with entrepreneurs, spiritual teachers and students. They are all very responsive, supportive and energizing and all I need to do is get more involved to find a massive network of badass ladies who are taking over the world!
The Universe never fails either. As soon as I decided to “grow my tribe” I started meeting new people and connecting more deeply with people I previously only engaged in small-talk with.
Still not quite convinced that I shouldn’t do the course, I kept pondering as I lay in bed, wide awake. Was it fear trying to hold me back or intuition trying to protect me? In that moment I realized something pretty powerful: I was already on my way towards a Break Through Year! I am 100% happy with where I am and confident that my strategy is taking me to where I want to go. #nodoubt
To be clear, I believe the course I’m passing up on is indeed a phenomenal opportunity and it is not my intention to suggest anything to the contrary. I’m sure that my mindset would grow to new levels if I took it on. In fact, if you are searching for a way to achieve some big goals this year and you are looking for a real, practical and inspirational teacher I recommend Denise Duffield-Thomas and the Money Breakthrough course combo with all my heart. It is just that, right now, I am enjoying the slow and gradual climb in these early stages of my business. I am learning a lot as I grow into my role at my own pace, and I simply don’t have room for more at this time.
When you are presented with an opportunity for your business, a course you’d love to do or a vacation you’ve always dreamed of, allow this post to take the pressure off. If you’re not ready, there is no need to jump and saying no, doesn’t always mean you are giving in to fear. Sometimes saying no, keeps you focused, clear-headed and poised to take on the next opportunity for even greater gains.
If you are sitting with a “should I, shouldn’t I” situation…
Ask yourself the following questions to help you make the right choice for your journey:
- What is the proposed outcome of this offer/ opportunity/ course?
- What do you already have or do that is similar or has the same intention as this new opportunity?
- Will this opportunity add (amplify or focus) or distract (give you more of the same or push you away from your path)?
- Do you have space for this in your life right now?
- What would you potentially need to give up to make space for this new opportunity?
- Is it worth it?
If you should do it, your answers will reveal how to make the most of the opportunity. You’ll know you shouldn’t do it if the opportunity seems to conflict with or distract from what you already have going on. If nothing else, you’ll realize how much you already have at your fingertips.
So, do the course, take the risk and don’t not do something because you’re afraid. Just remember that new is not always better and that you can say no (even to possibly wonderful opportunities) in order protect your journey. Trust in your own knowing of what is right for you.
A new year comes with a lot of excitement, resolutions and hype. I love this part of the year and every year I embrace this next chapter with that new year’s glow. But a week or two into the new year, excitement turns to overwhelm and anxiety; and rather than feeling ready for all the things I’m going to do, I feel defeated, not knowing where to start.
Sound familiar? This used to be my story. Every year, the pattern would repeat and I would feel powerless to follow through on the goals I’d set. This year, however, I feel different. It’s well into January and I still feel ready and I am busy executing my plan. I am actually following through. BOOYA!
Full disclosure, I had a 2-week break and only started my business year on the 10th of January. I had no computer and went completely offline for the entire trip. (I can already hear the gasps.) I know, it’s a little crazy for a blogger, but guess what, I had zero stress. I planned for it, made arrangements and scheduled what I needed to. I arrived back, relaxed and energized for the next part: taking my business and my life to the next level in my journey.
On our trip, we visited Spain and I snowboarded for the first time in my life! This was something I honestly, never thought I’d do. I just thought it was way too badass for someone like me, but nevertheless, I did it, and it kicked off my new year with a capital K!
I’ll be honest, I fell a lot. I mean, A LOT! I fell forward, on my back, on my butt, I tumbled and I struggled to stand up on the board. Every time I fell I half expected myself to get fed up and quit, but instead, I became kind of excited. I thought, “Oooh, that hurt. So, don’t do that.” Then I got up and tried again. Falling hard on the ice, makes you realise that you’re not going to break, making the entire concept of falling a lot less scary. I didn’t see it as embarrassing or sore, but almost like a badge of honour. Like, “Hells YEAH, one fall closer to a clear run.”
I just believed that I would be able to do it and eventually I could. I didn’t quite get my perfect run, but I don’t care. I can snow board, and I have the bruises to prove it. The most surprising thing was discovering how much fun I had and now hubby and I planning to make it an annual holiday.
Quite a jump, right? I had no idea I could do this, and now it’s a sport I want to include into my regular life. I’m thinking about future holidays with friends, picturing myself getting better and gliding down the slopes with a little more grace each year. Imagine I hadn’t tried, that I had given into fear and frustration. I would never have known how much joy this new activity could bring into my life.
The experience was more than fun. The intense physical activity of learning a new skill set my mindset for a powerful year. I’ll break it down into three steps:
1. Decide what you are going to do:
Make a plan and commit to it. Towards the end of last year, I had planned to get my new year organized before going on my trip. I kept pushing it out to meet deadlines and before I knew it, I only had a week before my trip, with zero plan for 2018. It was anxiety-city over here, until found a 4-hour workshop to plan my entire year! It was incredible. I blocked off my time, and got it done in those 4 hours. Resulting in a completely automated business during my trip and a calendar that lives right next to my desk, telling me exactly what I need to today, so that I keep moving forward.
Business aside, what is the thing you want to do for yourself this year? Why not choose the biggest, craziest goal? How can you surprise yourself? How do you want to grow this year? Go on, pick a challenge and decide with every fiber that you will do it, no matter what it takes.
2. Do it. Every single step, just as you planned:
Nothing happens without follow through. If you make a plan, you have to follow the steps. You’ve made your list, you know what you need to do, so do it. If you make a mistake, that’s okay. Remember you’re simply learning another way it’s not going to work, allowing you to move on to the next step or to find an alternative route.
The trick is to get up, dust off and try again as fast as possible. Remember that you committed to this goal. Refuse to give in to frustration and excuses and you will get it done!
3. Believe and repeat:
Now, I know a year is a long time and it’s hard to stay 100% into it 100% of the time. When you hit a low moment, honour that feeling. Give yourself a little time off and then get back up. You must keep going, keep believing and trust that you will get where you’re going.
If you get way-low and you’re struggling to get up remember that you are attracting what you feel. Do something that makes you feel good, and you’ll start feeling ready for more. For a crash course in upping your happy-levels, do this free Happy Habits Audio Workshop. As soon as you feel great in you’re here-and-now, you will get closer to even more of what you love and what feeds your joy.
You got this lady! Remember that when trying something new or pushing for a new level, you will fall, a lot! But you won’t break. You are stronger and more resilient than you know. The more you try, the more confidence will grow from within and before you know it, you will feel invincible. You will be able to push with everything you have, towards your best year yet.