This month is all about owning your space. That means we need to talk about leaning into your desires, your calling and what you most want from life. Your dream might be to live as a digital nomad for a couple of years. To travel and have adventures. Great right? Well, the tricky thing is that your brain doesn’t see this as a simple win-win situation. It worries about you and can cause some very weird feelings and doubts around your dream.
You’ll find yourself worrying about whether your family will approve. You know they want you to settle and be stable and before you know it, you’ve talked yourself out of the travelling altogether.
Sound familiar? This might not be your exact situation, but I’m sure you recognize the pattern. We all have Fear or “ego” that blocks us from trying new things or moving forward with our business or hitting our next life milestone. We give into the anxiety, guilt and shame of what might go wrong, and we lose sight of what we were chasing in the first place. We choose to stay safe in our comfort zone because we convince ourselves that it is enough, that we’re satisfied and even happy.
Of course, this is rarely the result of staying put. It is when you leap forward, take a chance and actively pursue what you love that you find joy. In fact, you could say that a big difference between happy and unhappy people, is that the happy ones follow the love. They see the fear and go for it anyway. Despite all the worry, they choose to focus on the reward, the joy, the love.
But how on earth do they do that? Fear can be incredibly convincing, I know. It can make you believe the worst of others and even of your own abilities. For this reason, “the ego” has a petty bad rap. It is branded as the devil on your shoulder, a mean-spirited little guy that wants to hold you back from everything. I don’t buy it. There is a slightly more open concept that the only thing the ego knows is fear and it is simply trying to protect you from harm. It is like an over-protective grandma that would rather keep you in a bubble than risk something happening to you.
It doesn’t want you to risk falling in love because your heart might break again; or travel, because you’ll miss out on everything happening at home; or change careers, because it might not work out. It is even afraid of success. Yup, “success” is a big no-no for the ego. If you become successful, you would have to risk being seen, you might have more money than your friends, you might even meet people that operate on a level above you, you could become a mean person, lose your marriage, never see your kids… You get the idea…
We all have our own special cocktail of fears around success and while they make you feel guilty or ashamed or scared, it is not the ego’s intention to hurt you. It just the only way it knows how to keep you safe.
Accepting this truth was personal turning point for me. I faced my fearful ego and recognized it as the most vulnerable part of myself. In that moment I could stop fighting, stop resisting and attempt to quiet that inner voice. (All the resisting was only making it louder.) Instead I could see it with love, honour the fear and then simply let it go.
Let me break that down for you.
When I notice that familiar feeling start to creep up, I ask myself, “Hey, what’s that about? What are you trying to show me?” Sometimes, simply asking this question in my head is enough to get an instant answer, other times I meditate and free write to reveal the deeper truth behind the fear.
Either way, once I see the deeper truth (the reason for the fear feeling), I can also see it’s innocent and unknowing intention. Almost instantly, that fear feeling becomes small and manageable. I can look it straight in the eye and say, “Appreciate the heads up, but I got this.”
Asking, “What are you trying to show me?” allows you to gain perspective, accept the protective intention behind the fear and soothe it, rather than fight it. You do not stop seeing the danger, but the reward/ goal stays in focus. You can feel grateful for, and accept, the warning. You know what you’re capable of and that you will be able to endure if the worst happens.
As you practice this, you will detect your fearful voice in its early stages, allowing you to move on faster and take bigger and bigger leaps towards your goals. This is how you lean into love, how to follow the joy.
So, accept your fear as your overly-cautious grandma and you’ll learn to look it straight in the eye, see the danger and go for it anyway. Not because you’re going against it (yourself), but because you know you’re strong enough to make it.
The other day I watched a webinar hosted by one of my heroines. I adore everything she does, from her books to her emails, to her courses. (I am such a fan.) I signed up the second I saw the ad for her free Master Class and stayed up to attend the live event late that night.
I knew this call would include an offer at the end, but I was fine with that, as I had actually purchased her entry-level manifesting course a little more than a year ago and loved it. In fact, I have planned to revisit the course later this month.
As expected, she didn’t disappoint. I immediately felt the same admiration, joy, and eagerness to grow. The content was life-affirming. In fact, her three solutions for a “breakthrough year,” were almost identical to my top three goals (not kidding!)
Hers: Back to basics
Mine: Keep it simple and focused
Hers: Know thy self
Mine: Grow within my spiritual practice and get closer to my truth
Hers: Find your tribe
Mine: Grow my tribe of spiritually curious, “personal development junkie,” entrepreneurial ladies.
Weird right? I was definitely feeling inspired. As she continued her class, all the concepts and proposed outcomes aligned beautifully to the course-on-offer, and since I was in the same mental space, I instinctively felt this would be an incredible opportunity for me. A chance to be a part of a great community, peel back a few more of my layers and learn some new tools.
Then she mentioned a payment plan and I became really excited, as I knew I could make it work financially. It was hitting all of the boxes, but then… (Yes, there’s a “but.”) I noticed a couple of sneaky fear feelings perk up. “Will you have the time?” being the primary culprit.
At first, I fought this feeling: “Just go for it,” I told myself, “Make the leap and you’ll find a way to make it work!” I probably could find time somewhere, give up something else and dedicate the next few weeks to this course.
But when I thought a little further, mentally searching for a small crack of time I could exploit, I realized how much I have going on: I currently have a job, freelance here and there, and run Bloom. My professional life is pretty full, very focused and it bleeds into most of my time.
As she started fielding some Q&A’s, I reflected back on an earlier portion of the webinar where she spoke about the mistakes that she, and many women in her community, had made the previous year. Some of these included, “taking on too many projects,” “becoming distracted,” “over-extending yourself” and “losing focus.” This wasn’t unfamiliar to me. I tend to suffer quite severely from “Shiny Object Syndrome 😜,” and while I love to plan and make lists, I sometimes struggle to execute and follow through.
That’s when I had my “aha moment”: My concern was not because of a money block or Fear peaking its ugly head. This was my inner guide saying, “Hey lady, you’re on a pretty focused path here, do you really need this extra work?” This nurturing source of knowledge was trying to show me that I had a good thing going and that the resources to achieve my goals were already in place. Check it out:
Goal 1: Keep it simple and focused:
I simplified my business model and planned my year out in advance. I am busy executing my to-do list and taking action – so, it’s working. Plus, revisiting my Manifesting course would help me declutter further and stay focused.
Goal 2: Grow within my spiritual practice and get closer to my truth:
While I had been a little less disciplined with my practice these last few weeks, I am getting back into it. My first meditation of 2018 felt like reconnecting with an old friend. I’m also returning to my beloved yoga practice after the holiday season. All this strengthens my resolve, lifts my energy and allows me to push further.
Goal 3: Grow my tribe of spiritually curious, personal development junkie, entrepreneurial ladies:
Working online, it can’t be much of a surprise that I am a member of 3 or more incredible Facebook groups filled with entrepreneurs, spiritual teachers and students. They are all very responsive, supportive and energizing and all I need to do is get more involved to find a massive network of badass ladies who are taking over the world!
The Universe never fails either. As soon as I decided to “grow my tribe” I started meeting new people and connecting more deeply with people I previously only engaged in small-talk with.
Still not quite convinced that I shouldn’t do the course, I kept pondering as I lay in bed, wide awake. Was it fear trying to hold me back or intuition trying to protect me? In that moment I realized something pretty powerful: I was already on my way towards a Break Through Year! I am 100% happy with where I am and confident that my strategy is taking me to where I want to go. #nodoubt
To be clear, I believe the course I’m passing up on is indeed a phenomenal opportunity and it is not my intention to suggest anything to the contrary. I’m sure that my mindset would grow to new levels if I took it on. In fact, if you are searching for a way to achieve some big goals this year and you are looking for a real, practical and inspirational teacher I recommend Denise Duffield-Thomas and the Money Breakthrough course combo with all my heart. It is just that, right now, I am enjoying the slow and gradual climb in these early stages of my business. I am learning a lot as I grow into my role at my own pace, and I simply don’t have room for more at this time.
When you are presented with an opportunity for your business, a course you’d love to do or a vacation you’ve always dreamed of, allow this post to take the pressure off. If you’re not ready, there is no need to jump and saying no, doesn’t always mean you are giving in to fear. Sometimes saying no, keeps you focused, clear-headed and poised to take on the next opportunity for even greater gains.
If you are sitting with a “should I, shouldn’t I” situation…
Ask yourself the following questions to help you make the right choice for your journey:
- What is the proposed outcome of this offer/ opportunity/ course?
- What do you already have or do that is similar or has the same intention as this new opportunity?
- Will this opportunity add (amplify or focus) or distract (give you more of the same or push you away from your path)?
- Do you have space for this in your life right now?
- What would you potentially need to give up to make space for this new opportunity?
- Is it worth it?
If you should do it, your answers will reveal how to make the most of the opportunity. You’ll know you shouldn’t do it if the opportunity seems to conflict with or distract from what you already have going on. If nothing else, you’ll realize how much you already have at your fingertips.
So, do the course, take the risk and don’t not do something because you’re afraid. Just remember that new is not always better and that you can say no (even to possibly wonderful opportunities) in order protect your journey. Trust in your own knowing of what is right for you.
There seems to be a lot of confusion around Feminism. This confusion causes conflict, expectation and pressure that takes away from what it’s really all about. It is probably one of the most important movements of our lifetimes, and our grandparents’ lifetimes. It is a movement aimed at a simple ideal: equality.
Contrary to the popular belief that Feminism is exclusive to being a lesbian who hates men, fashion and makeup (although that is an option), it is simply about giving the same opportunities to all people, without judgement, expectation and prejudice.
It is not about women being better than men or renouncing everything that makes us feminine and it is not about creating another exclusive society that sets more rules to live by.